This morning reading in Galatians I found this. To me it feels like a bridge from where I sometimes find myself, to the kind of life I would like to live.
I would love to live a live marked by compassion for others, my energies marshaled wisely, and a willingness to stick with things. Serenity? Exuberance for life? Yes, please!
Instead I can see myself driven by all-consuming-never-satisfied wants, and joyless grabs for happiness, because it is so much easier to put myself first, and to try to satisfy my own selfish desires. I don't think I'm alone in this struggle.
I keep coming back to the question, "Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the compulsions of a law-dominated existence?"
I think the answer is, because it seems hard. It is so foreign, not to just work to meet my needs and those of the people closest to me. To be honest, I'm not sure I fully understand what it looks like to live a life led by the Spirit. It seems so nebulous to have an invisible guide lead me. It takes such faith. Even more, it takes time. In an orchard the trees can't immediately make themselves bear fruit.
And so I'm choosing to be led by the Spirit. I am choosing to figure out what this looks like, and to work at it. I am choosing someone other than myself. I'm choosing to play the long game, and to let work happen in secret so that some day like an orchard I can be full of fruit.
Instead of having my own motives guide me, I will choose to have the Spirit provide my motivation. It takes choosing, not just once but time and time again because it is so easy to go back to what I want and when I want it.
I don't just want it to be a nice idea, or a comforting thought but I want it to be the guiding principle in my life. It won't be easy to stop mindless responding to what I have long thought are necessities. It will take practice to not put my own desires first too.
Oh but for freedom, I will. For true community, for deep compassion, for the end of striving. It is worth the investment.
Let the comparisons end. It never satisfied my desire to be valued anyway.
I have far more interesting things to do with my life.
I'm ready to come into my own as an original.